Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
