hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
