i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
