got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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