I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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