pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
