well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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