I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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