The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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