How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
