All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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