im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
