Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
