How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
