So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
