Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
