and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
