Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
