why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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