Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
