You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's not a walk of shame if you run
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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