I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
