I wannas sexs uuuuu
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We need a shit load of segways right now
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
