But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
