whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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