oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
