Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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