I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
