Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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