oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
