I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
