You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
