Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
