All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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