It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
