he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
