Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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