Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
