I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
