Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
