You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
