Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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