dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
