Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
COCAINE IS GR8
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
