One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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