mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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