the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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