Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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