i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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