You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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